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Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce
by Elizabeith Marquardt
When a family breaks in two, children who stay in touch with both parents must travel between two worlds, trying alone to reconcile their parents’ often strikingly different beliefs, values, and ways of living. Even a “good divorce” restructures childhood itself. An astonishing one quarter of adults between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five have grown up in divorced families. Now, as this generation comes of age, Between Two Worlds will speak to them like no other book.
Elizabeth Marquardt (together with sociologist Norval Glenn) conducted a pioneering new national study of the children of divorce, surveying 1,500 young adults from both divorced and intact families and interviewing more than seventy of them at length. In Between Two Worlds, she weaves the findings of that study together with powerful, unsentimental stories of the childhoods of young people from divorced families—as well as her own story of growing up as a child of divorce. She asks us to acknowledge that children are profoundly shaped by divorce, even though, as adults, they might be accomplished and seem “fine.” While many experts maintain that there are “good divorces,” praise the idea of “blended families,” and assure divorced parents that kids are resilient, Marquardt calls this “happy talk” and warns that it causes children to bury their real feelings.
The hard truth, she says, is that while divorce is sometimes necessary, there is no such thing as a good divorce. An amicable divorce is certainly better than a bitter one, but even amicable divorces sow lasting inner conflict in the lives of children.
Not surprisingly, many children of divorce seem like old souls. Often they feel like they have a different identity in each of their parents’ worlds. Secrets are epidemic. Home feels less safe, and they are far less likely than the children of intact marriages to go to their parents for comfort or emotional support. Some question their parents’ morality and choices. Like their peers from intact families, they long for spirituality, but their feelings of loss, mistrust, and anger toward their parents deeply complicate their spiritual journeys—even translating into anger at God.
Marquardt’s data is undeniably compelling, but at the heart of her book are stories—of reunions with one parent that were always partings from the other, of struggles to adapt to a parent’s moods, of the burden of having to figure out the important questions in life alone. Authoritative, beautifully written, and filled with brave, sad, unflinchingly honest voices, Between Two Worlds is a book of transforming power for the adult children of divorce, whose real experiences have for too long gone unrecognized.
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$24.95
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Broken Hearts...Healing: Young Poets Speak Out on Divorce
by Tom Worthen & Editor
Nearly 200 children (mostly teens, though a few are as young as 10 years old) whose parents are divorced have allowed editor Tom Worthen to collect their blunt, eloquent poems. Worthen, a communications professor who has tried to be the best divorced dad I could be is determined to bring children and parents together to talk openly about complex and painful issues.
Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc. Children of divorced parents will recognize the emotions and experiences expressed in this collection of poems written by young people between the ages of 9 and 18 who have experienced the pain of divorce. Some 200 poems address the initial shock of learning of their parents' separation, feelings of abandonment, the pain of change, frustration and anger, stepfamilies, and finally acceptance and growth through the sadness. The poets speak from the heart and their poems are sophisticated, reflecting mature emotions. Many of them emphasize age; they realize that they are too young to have these complex worries and fears. Others address guilt; some contributors realize that divorce is their parents' issue, but, sadly, still blame themselves. The poems compare divorce to battle, war, defeat, and wounds that never heal. While the bulk of them reflects sadness and anger, others celebrate blended families; kind stepfathers; and new, peaceful lives. The strength of this book lies in the charged words of youth; this is not a book about divorce written by an adult for children. Rather, it is by their peers, and readers who are going through divorce will know that they are not alone in their feelings and emotions. Black-and-white illustrations by a third-grade illustrator open each chapter and separate forewords for parents and children address the needs of youth.
Shawn Brommer, South Central Library System, Madison, WI
Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
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$14.95
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